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William Shakespeare said, “The eyes are the window to the soul.” If you subscribe to this, then you are likely among the many who believe if someone cannot look you in the eyes then they are somehow untrustworthy and has something to hide. That works well if you are the one looking into folk’s eyes trying to figure out if you can trust the person before you. But, if you are the one trying to be trusted but for some reason you lack that particular soft skill, then it could cost you big.

Do not mistake this as a blog post designed to train or somehow encourage those who cannot maintain eye contact to develop that skill. That is a post for another day. Rather, this is to turn the mirror on those who do well with that skill in hopes that they can also develop an understanding of those who do not. By better understanding why someone may not maintain good eye contact and learning to interpret what they can provide, the layers of mistrust can be wiped away and you may just find yourself in a great personal or professional relationship. …


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Spending almost three decades in commercial radio, I can attest to the fact that media is very arrogant. Having absorbed some of that throughout the years, it is a trait I have to continually check because it is not beneficial to my brand nor, most importantly, to my service to my consumer. If your company or business suffers from industry arrogance, you may want to check yourself also and correct the message you are sending to your customers. Let me explain.

I worked in music formatted radio. For years, across multiple genres, I learned how to use science and data to manipulate listenership and how to make demands of those utilizing our product. I heard, “WE make the hits.” The belief was that our product was so necessary to the success of the other cogs spinning within the entertainment industry, that “they” needed us more than we needed them. Every record label needed us to play their music. Every promoter needed us to help them sell tickets to their concerts. And yes, every listener needed us to tell them what information was important, what was happening in their community, and what was good music for them to listen to and purchase. …


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Even when we do not say a word to another person, we are having an ongoing conversation with someone. No, we are no participating in some form of mind-reading or telepathy, and the someone to which I am referring is not another person. It is a conversation within each of us that we have with ourselves. Intrapersonal communication, commonly known as self-talk, is very powerful and mostly manifest as thoughts.

Studies show we average 6,000–10,000 thoughts a day, and up to a third of those are on repeat. If you never utter a word to another person, you are still talking to yourself over and over again. It is important that you have some strategies for controlling negative self-talk. …


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If you are an employer who has experience hiring new personnel, you have likely seen your fair share of “Excellent Communication Skills” thrown into the SKILLS section of applicants’ resumes. Likewise, applicants feel compelled to add it there because of job descriptions that read, “Must have excellent communication skills.” Unfortunately, there is often a canyon between what an employer means by excellent communication skills and what an applicant means.

Both parties typically mean the applicant can present themselves well and through speech can demonstrate proper use of the English language. Unfortunately, this expectation is then laced with a slew of implications that may or may not apply to the applicant or the position. The employer understands the inner workings of their organization, company culture, colleague dynamics, and other nuances not found in the job description of which the applicant has minimal to no awareness. Yet, they know the candidate they desire must already possess the communication skills needed to fit right into the culture to achieve company objectives. The applicant however, based on prior knowledge of the desired position, likely believes their ability to verbally communicate will be enough to start working and any additional communication skills needed can be acquired on the job. …


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“Communication is everything, and everything is communication” is a phrase I say often. I can usually tell by the confused look on the hearer’s face that it is also a phrase that is not easily or fully digested. So, let me explain. The linear communication model that is most accepted pretty much says there is a sender that develops a message, sends it through a channel to a receiver, who breaks down the message before developing a message of their own, then send that feedback through a channel back to the initial sender who then becomes the receiver and the process starts again. Of course, there is context and noise and filters and a bunch of other parts of the process we can discuss later. …

About

The Denise Hill

I’m a Communication Coach, Speaker, Author, & Life Coach. I help others understand communication in order to create effective messages with others & themselves.

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